Calm ways to build healthy tech habits for families

A guide to calmer family tech use

In a world where devices are everywhere, finding calm amidst the digital noise can feel impossible. But if you’re noticing rising tensions, arguments over screen time, or an ever-present hum of background scrolling, you’re not alone. Even living in the beautiful area that is the Dordogne, France, we often find ourselves as a family calling each other out about too much screen use. This guide is here to help you explore healthy tech habits for families – starting from why it matters, through to what you can do today to bring more peace and connection into your home.

Family harmony: what’s at stake?

Technology brings convenience, education and even connection. We all use it, adults too. But without clear boundaries, it can quietly chip away at family life. Probably safe to say that most of us parents have been there! Children may become withdrawn, conversations get interrupted, and quality time turns into parallel scrolling. Over time, tech overuse can impact:

• Communication and attachment between family members
• Sleep, focus, and emotional regulation in children
• Social development and real-world confidence

Taking control of tech use isn’t about banning screens – it’s about making sure they support your family life rather than run it. It’s much easier to stop it in its tracks before it goes too far.

How to spot tech addiction in children

Children are especially vulnerable to the rewards built into digital platforms. The NCT has some guidelines for babies and toddlers. The line between healthy use and compulsive use isn’t always clear, but warning signs may include:

• Frequent meltdowns when devices are removed
• Loss of interest in offline hobbies
• Secretive behaviour around device use
• Noticeable changes in mood, sleep or school performance

If your child is struggling to put the device down or becomes distressed when asked to, it may be time to pause and re-evaluate their digital habits. Warning – this is not likely to be easy, but your family harmony will improve in the long run.

Saying no to your child (and meaning it!)

Saying “no” can feel tough, especially when your child is begging, crying, or telling you that “everyone else” is allowed. But setting boundaries is part of your job as a parent – and when done with consistency and warmth, it’s one of the most loving things you can do.

• Stay calm and confident. Your child will mirror your energy.
• Offer a reason if needed: “It’s time to rest your eyes and give your brain a break.”
• Provide an alternative: “Let’s do something fun together instead.”
• Be consistent. If today’s a yes and tomorrow’s a no, it creates confusion and conflict.

A good tip is to discuss together with your child when is a good time for screens and when is a bad time. Give examples too! One likely comeback could be that your child challenges your own screen use. Demonstrating the ability to put down your phone or other device will show your child what really matters.

Remember: you’re not just managing behaviour – you’re teaching lifelong habits.

What tech is suitable for each age?

Children’s brains are still developing, and not all tech is created equally. Here’s a rough guide to help:

• Under 3s – Very limited screen time; focus on real-world interaction
• Ages 3–6 – Short, supervised sessions with educational apps or programmes
• 7–11 – Use tech as a learning tool and for creativity, with time limits
• 12–15 – Introduce independence gradually, with ongoing monitoring and open dialogue

Parental controls can help, but no app replaces a strong parent-child relationship and regular check-ins. Even then, you may still feel your child might be using screens too much – the good news is there is plenty you can do.

Things to do instead of being on screens as a family

Replacing screen time doesn’t have to be complicated – the key is being intentional. Some calming, bonding alternatives can be found in our blog here, and others include:

• Cooking or baking together
• Board games or puzzles
• Outdoor walks or cycling
• Reading aloud as a family
• Creative time: crafts, Lego, drawing
• Gardening, DIY or house projects
• Listening to music or audiobooks while doing chores together

(We’ve done all of these! Any outside-of-the-box ideas?)

For something a little different, here are some more unusual screen-free ideas to spend time together as a family:

• Create a time capsule – gather small items, photos, or notes that represent your family today, and bury or hide it to open in 5 or 10 years
• Family storytelling circle – take turns making up silly or serious stories, or build a story together one sentence at a time
• Reverse day – let the kids be the ‘grown-ups’ for an hour or two (with boundaries!) and plan meals, games or activities for the family
• Mystery dinner night – create a themed meal (e.g. “campfire night” or “Italian restaurant”) complete with costumes, décor and role play
• DIY escape room at home – use clues and puzzles around the house to solve a fun challenge as a team
• Night walk with torches – a simple twist on an evening walk that makes it feel like an adventure (this is highly recommended on a personal note! So much fun!)
• Make a family podcast or radio show – use your phone’s voice recorder to share stories, sing songs, or interview each other
• Start a ‘pass the notebook’ journal – take turns writing messages, doodles, or questions to one another each day
• Map your family tree or make a scrapbook – great for intergenerational bonding and talking about family history
• Volunteer together – walk a neighbour’s dog, collect litter, or organise a small kindness mission in your community

These kinds of activities don’t just fill the gap left by screens — they build trust, humour, and shared memories that last.

You don’t need to go screen-free all day – just reclaim pockets of time where you connect face-to-face.

How to set healthy screen limits

There’s no one-size-fits-all rule, but these guidelines will help:

• Create device-free zones – bedrooms, mealtimes, and family areas are a good start
• Set time limits – use timers or apps that track and restrict usage
• Model the behaviour you want to see – children learn by watching you
• Use “tech tickets” – a set number of screen-time tokens per day/week
• Keep a weekly “screen detox” evening – games night, nature walk or storytelling instead

The goal is to be realistic and consistent, not perfect. This is likely to be hard to implement at first, if your family has fallen into unhealthy screen habits, but perseverence and explaining why the changes are happening will really help in the long run.

Where to go for device protection

Keeping your child safe online is as much about tools as it is about conversation. Some helpful options include:

• Apple Screen Time or Google Family Link – built-in controls to manage app use
• Qustodio – widely used parental control software with good customisation
• Net Nanny, Bark, or OurPact – monitor usage, block harmful content and set screen limits
• Your internet provider – many now offer family filters at router level

Install protection on all devices your child uses – including tablets, phones, gaming consoles and laptops. You only have to glance at the news once in a while to be reminded of why this is a crucial step.

Download a family tech agreement you can work with

A written agreement helps make expectations clear and gives children a sense of ownership. It should include:

• Where devices can be used
• How much time is allowed per day/week
• Consequences for breaking the agreement
• Expectations around behaviour online
• Commitments from adults as well as children

👉 If you’d like a head start in setting clear screen-time expectations at home, Positive Parenting Solutions offers a free, printable example of a Family Technology Agreement. It’s simple, age-appropriate and encourages calm conversations around device use, perfect for families looking to set boundaries with care and clarity.

Feel free to print, personalise and revisit it regularly! Put it on the fridge, next to the front door, beside the TV…anywhere that will be seen regularly.

Bonus tips: how to stay on track as a parent

Managing tech use isn’t about perfection. It’s about progress and consistency. Here are a few ways to stay grounded:

• Schedule regular tech reviews – check how the current limits are working
• Use tech together – watch, play or explore online activities with your child
• Practise digital empathy – talk about why screens are so tempting, and how to use them well
• Ask your child for ideas – they’ll often suggest balanced solutions when involved
• Reach out for help if needed – talk to a teacher, tutor or child mental health professional

And remember – your child is likely to learn how to do something better than you can on their device eventually (believe me, this is true!). When this happens let them feel important and teach you!

Calm tech use is possible – and it starts with some small changes today!