When your child is struggling to attend school due to emotional distress, it can be deeply worrying and isolating as a parent. Emotionally based school avoidance (EBSA) is a complex issue, but with the right support, understanding and tools, it can get easier. This article aims to help you understand EBSA, why it happens, and what you can do to support your child and yourself through this difficult journey.
What is emotionally based school avoidance?
Emotionally based school avoidance (EBSA) refers to a child or young person being unable to attend school regularly due to emotional factors such as anxiety, depression or overwhelming stress. It’s not the same as truanting. Children experiencing EBSA often want to learn and may even enjoy school when they feel able to attend. The issue lies in the emotional barrier preventing consistent attendance.
EBSA is more common than many realise and can affect children across all age groups and abilities, including those with or without Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND).
Why has my child been diagnosed with EBSA?
There isn’t a single cause of EBSA. In most cases, it develops due to a combination of emotional, social and educational factors. These might include:
- Anxiety disorders, such as generalised anxiety, separation anxiety or social anxiety
- Learning difficulties, including undiagnosed SEND
- Bullying or social difficulties in school
- High academic pressure or fear of failure
- Changes in routine, such as a house move, bereavement or transition to a new school
- Masking of difficulties, particularly common in autistic children
It’s important to remember that EBSA is not your fault, nor your child’s. It is a sign that something in their environment isn’t working for them emotionally.
What can help my child?
Helping a child with EBSA begins with listening and creating a safe space for them to express their feelings without judgment. Practical support may include:
- Involving the school in a supportive, non-punitive way
- Reducing pressure to return to school before they feel ready
- Gradual exposure plans with a trusted adult (sometimes called ‘graded reintegration’)
- Home tutoring or online learning, either short or long term
- Therapeutic support, such as counselling or cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)
- Routine and structure at home to promote predictability
- Creating a sensory-friendly environment, especially for children with autism or sensory needs
A personalised approach is essential. There is no one-size-fits-all strategy for EBSA.
What can I do from a parent perspective?
Supporting a child through EBSA can feel exhausting and emotional. As a parent, you can:
- Keep open communication with your child – even small conversations matter
- Speak with school staff regularly and advocate for your child’s needs
- Create a low-pressure morning routine, even if your child isn’t attending school
- Avoid punishment – EBSA is driven by distress, not defiance
- Document everything – this helps when accessing additional support or applying for an Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP)
Your consistency, even on the hardest days, will be a source of comfort to your child.
Who can help my child?
Several professionals and services may be involved in supporting a child with EBSA, including:
- School SENDCo or pastoral staff
- Educational psychologists
- Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS)
- Private therapists or tutors
- Specialist EBSA outreach services, if available in your area
- SENDIASS, a free, impartial advice service for families with SEND
It’s okay to push for meetings, assessments or referrals – you are your child’s most important advocate.
Who can help me?
Parents need support too. Dealing with EBSA can take a toll on your mental health, your work life and your confidence. You are not alone. Consider reaching out to:
- Parent support groups, both online and local
- Your GP, if you are struggling emotionally
- Local charities, such as YoungMinds, Mind, or Family Action
- A SEND advocate or independent supporter, to guide you through the EHCP process
- Parent training programmes, sometimes offered by local authorities or schools
Even a listening ear from another parent who “gets it” can make a huge difference.
Will it get easier?
Yes – although progress is often slow and non-linear, children with EBSA can and do recover. Success may look different for each family. For some, it may mean returning to full-time school; for others, it might mean home education with a tutor or a flexible blend of learning environments.
The key is celebrating progress, however small – attending a short lesson, stepping into the building, or even talking about worries is all progress.
A final word of encouragement
You are not a failure, and neither is your child. Emotionally based school avoidance is a genuine and deeply challenging issue, but with compassion, support and advocacy, your child can regain confidence and thrive in a learning environment that suits them.
Remember, you don’t have to go through this alone.
Leave a Reply